Trapped in the Moment Before the Miracle

When Waiting Feels Unfair

By Pastor Vinnie MacIsaac

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Have you ever felt the ache of waiting—wondering why God doesn’t step in right when you need Him most? Come with me into the story in the Gospel of Luke (8:40-53), where two lives intersect in a crowd, each one desperate for a miracle. Look around. Can you sense the tension, feel the weight in the air as these two souls press into the crowd, hoping for the same thing—a touch from Jesus that will bring healing?

First, there’s Jairus—a man whose life has likely never known such desperation. He’s a respected synagogue leader, a man used to being in control, with people looking up to him. But now, none of that matters. His twelve-year-old daughter, the light of his life, is at death’s door. Every second is precious as he finally spots Jesus. Without a moment’s hesitation, Jairus pushes through the crowd, urgency overriding his dignity. He falls at Jesus’ feet, pleading for his child’s life with a voice thick with desperation.

Then, look over to the edge of the crowd, and you’ll see her—a woman who’s been suffering in silence for twelve long years, hidden from society because of her condition. That’s as long as Jairus’s daughter has been alive. For twelve years, she’s watched life pass her by, felt her health deteriorate, and endured isolation, loss, and shame. But today, she’s determined. She won’t stop until she reaches Jesus, even if it’s only to touch His garment. She’s tried everything else. If anyone understands the desperation of Jairus, it’s this woman who’s lived a life defined by waiting.

Imagine for a moment the tension that hangs between these two lives. Who should be healed first? The girl, whose life has barely begun, or the woman, who has suffered the same number of years the girl has been alive? The crowd surges around Jesus, but He’s focused on the people before Him. Jairus leads Him through the throng, urging Him to hurry, while this woman follows in silence, hoping just for a brief touch, an instant of healing.

And then, it happens. As Jairus walks beside Jesus, trying to pull Him through the crowd, he suddenly feels the frustration of delay as Jesus stops. The woman, unnoticed by most, has reached out and touched His garment. That single touch is her boldest act of faith, her deepest cry for mercy, and she can feel it—the suffering ends in an instant. Jesus has stopped, turned, and asked, “Who touched me?”

Can you imagine Jairus in this moment? His heart must be pounding with impatience and confusion. He’s trapped in this maddening pause, watching someone else receive the miracle he so urgently needs for his daughter. This woman is healed; she’s finally freed from twelve years of pain. But Jairus is gripped by the thought, Why her and not my child? Why is God helping her first?

The woman, realizing she can’t stay hidden, comes forward. She falls at Jesus’ feet and tells Him everything. The twelve years of shame, the hopeless visits to physicians, the long nights of pain, and the isolation that almost broke her spirit. Jesus listens, and then His face softens. He calls her “Daughter,” a name that must warm her heart and bring tears to her eyes. “Your faith has healed you; go in peace.” She’s no longer “unclean,” no longer a forgotten outcast. Her faith has been honored, and she has been made whole.

But for Jairus, it’s a bitter pill to swallow. He’s waiting, caught in the agony of helplessness as he watches a stranger receive what he needs so desperately. And then the unthinkable happens. A messenger arrives, his face grim, and delivers the news Jairus dreads most: “Your daughter is dead.” Those words must pierce him like a knife. His hopes, his faith—all of it seems to collapse in an instant. He followed Jesus, he pleaded with all he had, yet it feels like the heavens have been silent, like God has chosen someone else over his own daughter. Why would God allow this? he must wonder, Isn’t my daughter’s life as important as this woman’s healing?

Before Jairus can even process the heartbreak, Jesus turns to him. He doesn’t ignore his pain or dismiss his fear. He looks right into Jairus’s eyes, His gaze filled with an understanding far beyond what anyone else could offer. “Don’t be afraid,” Jesus tells him, “just believe, and she will be healed.” These words—simple, yet profoundly challenging—call Jairus to a faith that holds on, even in the face of despair. He’s still reeling, still grieving, but he follows, trapped in the moment before the miracle.

As they reach his home, the mourners are already gathered, their wails filling the air, a heart-wrenching symphony of sorrow. Jairus’s heart must be breaking, the sound a stark reminder that he’s already too late. But Jesus sends the mourners away, allowing only Jairus, his wife, and three disciples into the room. It’s quiet now, still. And then, with a gentleness that defies the weight of the situation, Jesus takes the girl’s hand and speaks, “My child, get up.”

And there, in that moment, life returns. The girl rises, breath filling her lungs, color returning to her cheeks. Imagine Jairus’s face, the astonishment, the fierce, almost painful joy as he realizes his daughter is alive. The delay that felt so unfair, the wait that seemed endless, has led to a miracle greater than he could have dreamed.

Trapped in the Moment Before the Miracle

How many of us know this feeling—trapped in the excruciating pause, watching others receive the blessings we’re longing for, feeling like our prayers are unheard? We see others’ needs being met, and bitterness starts to rise. Jairus must have felt it—the pang of perceived unfairness as he watched the woman healed, all while he faced the news of his daughter’s death.

But here’s the truth Jesus shows us through Jairus and this woman: there is a purpose in the delay. The woman endured twelve years of waiting for her healing, and Jairus had to wait while someone else received their miracle. Both were trapped in those moments of waiting, where faith feels stretched beyond its limits. But Jesus had something greater in store for each of them. For the woman, the wait ended with immediate healing; for Jairus, the delay led to a resurrection beyond what he had asked for.

So, if you’re waiting, feeling trapped in the moment before the miracle, hold on. Jesus is near, even in the silence, even in the pause. He hasn’t forgotten you. Like Jairus and the woman, you’ll find that in His perfect time—whether the answer is immediate or after a longer journey—His presence and His power will be the answer you’ve been seeking. Hold fast, for the miracle may be closer than you think.

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Broken | The Secret Of Insecurity

By Pastor Vinnie

Stain Glass From Ascension Episcopal Church

I Am Broken.

Who told you that brokenness was something you had to hide?

The greatest weakness any human being can partake in is the weakness of being fearful and ashamed of their own brokenness. The “strong man” persona is the root of all foolishness and frankly a den of inner demons.  We pretend to be strong because, like the cavemen we sometimes act like, we think our beating of the chest and phony posturing of power will scare away our adversaries and trick people into thinking we are awesome and fearful.

It is important to recognize that, when you see someone over-projecting strength, you are not seeing someone who is healthy or confident, but actually fearful and living in constant insecurity. It is a hell of its own making; a never-ending, never resting, sense of danger that the captive is unable to see or accept that they are trapped in. It breeds insecurity because anything or anyone who points out any weakness becomes the threat that could expose the real inner being. Real confidence and real security only ever comes when we have assessed our real brokenness and seek out a healer. When I know my weakness, when I accept my brokenness, when I come to terms with my demons, count them and record the inventory, only then do I understand what I am being healed from.

This is exactly why the Apostle Paul wrote, “For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.” (1 Corinthians 1:18)

Ouch! Right? Did you get it? The message of the Cross is foolishness to those who are perishing because they have failed to do a self-assessment and come to terms with the reality of their utter brokenness. They have taken the spiritual position of “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it,” to their soul! But the tragic problem is it is broken, and the Cross is the only cure!

It does not take a religious practitioner or a moralist to understand that humans are incomplete and broken creatures. It is the building block of humanist psychology, most branches of philosophy, not to mention everyday common sense. The motto “nobody is perfect” is commonplace in our vernacular for a reason; it is a universal understanding that something is broken, incomplete, and unfinished in all humanity. To be human is to be as the ancient Hebrew prophet once put it, to be not quite completed or fastened, “Woe is me! for I am undone” (Isaiah 6:5). I think “undone” is a good word in thinking about this problem. It is not that I am not gifted, or that there are not great things about me, and awesome strengths I use to compensate for being incomplete. In fact, the opposite is true almost to our own detriment. We are a little too good at compensating and hiding our weaknesses and never letting people see who we really are.

Shame is the beast the feeds our existing brokenness and makes many go from bad to absurd. Because we are broken, undone, imperfect, we seek to cover that brokenness with compensation, talent, and rigorous hard work. Why? Shame. I don’t want you to see me as I really am. People who overcompensate, seek to project stronger than they really are, and see themselves as needing to be in control; often are people suffering internally with high levels of shame. They are embarrassed about who they really are and maybe even fear that they would be unloved, or unwanted if you saw them as they really are. The tragedy here is that these people can never experience the fullness of intimacy that could aid them in healing. I can’t be truly intimate on a deep level with another person who I am fearful to show my real self as I really am. This affects every corner of our lives from love, family, friendship, and even our professional level relationships. Wisdom and hurtful experiences reinforce in us the need to use caution with whom we share our brokenness, and to what level we share it. But to never share, or worse yet never come to terms with it, traps us into low-level relationships devoid of meaning and real acceptance. In short, it leads to an unfulfilled life and the inability to build the kinds of emotional bonds that heal ourselves and others.

Stain Glass From Ascension Episcopal Church

It is not accidental that Moses, in telling the story of the fall in Genesis 3 shows a transactional cascade of shame, fear, and then blame, between Adam and Eve, rather than guilt and acceptance of sin.

“At that moment [of their sin] their eyes were opened, and they suddenly felt shame at their nakedness. So they sewed fig leaves together to cover themselves. When the cool evening breezes were blowing, the man and his wife heard the Lord God walking about in the garden. So they hid from the Lord God among the trees. Then the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?” He replied, “I heard you walking in the garden, so I hid. I was afraid because I was naked.” “Who told you that you were naked?” the Lord God asked. “Have you eaten from the tree whose fruit I commanded you not to eat?” The man replied, “It was the woman you gave me who gave me the fruit, and I ate it.” Then the Lord God asked the woman, “What have you done?” “The serpent deceived me,” she replied. “That’s why I ate it.” (Genesis 3:7-13)

Notice, their shame led them to hide from God, then blame each other, blame creation, and ultimately blame God (who created) rather than just admit they needed to be helped to heal. Lack of trust in God is a key reason we can’t admit our brokenness. When we don’t admit our brokenness to our self, our God, and our loved ones, how then can we get their help? Rather than get help, find healing, and make progress, you end up hiding, living life in fear pretending to be strong, and eventually becoming bitter and blaming everyone else for your failures. At the end of the day rejecting your own broken state of being is really closing the door to Jesus, telling him you got it all covered with the leaves, and your will map out your own redemption because that is less painful than admitting to God and others just how unfinished you are.

The purpose of relationships is to heal. Because we are all broken and incomplete we need each other. We need insight and need to seek betterment together. This is why the Bible says, “Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counselors there is safety” (Proverbs 11:14). We are all broken pieces of God’s stained-glass image of humanity. We only make sense of that image when we stop focusing on the defects of one piece and pull back and look at the whole image that the creator is restoring. Jesus is healing you by putting you on a mosaic of others who are also broken but broken in a way the helps you, affirms you, and gives you a real opportunity to be a healing factor in others too.

Stain Glass From Ascension Episcopal Church

I remember I was in the second year of my Social Work program and I went to see Jane Gordon, who was not only one of my professors but had become a life mentor to me. The therapeutic bond was both warm yet professional between us. She listened quietly to me as I ranted on and on about some young adult existential drama in my life at the time. She was affirming, yet let me share openly my brokenness without judgment. When it was all over she simply said, “Vince, you’re the exactly broken kid I knew you were the day you shuffled into my class, unprepared, disorganized, fearful, full of doubt, yet still ready to change the world. The only difference is, now you know it too. And that is the greatest thing that can happen to any of us. You’re gonna be ok. You’re going to be better than ok. You’re going to do great things, and help lots of people. Just promise me this one thing. When you do, don’t go fixing every part of you that you think needs to be fixed. It is the neurosis [perceived brokenness] in you that really makes you amazing and interesting. I know you hate those things about you, but the rest of us are rather fond of your quirks. Go change the world, just don’t think you are the world that always needs to be fixed.”

Perhaps you think Dr. Gordon was just spouting off Carl Rodgers style psychobabble, but she was not. She was speaking a universal truth. Shame amplifies in us the perceived brokenness [neurosis] we all live with. Some of it needs to change, in order to help us achieve personal growth, and part of it is broken just enough to help others. What stays and what changes is up to God as He seeks to restore in you His redemptive glory. God, as the only one not broken, is the only one who can really be objective. Make no mistake the way He declares that to us is by the reflective intimacy we have in honest relationships with each other.

Stop hiding who you are. Stop hiding how you are broken. Start showing others that the road to healing, health, and redemption is through honest, powerful relationships which reflect God working in us, just as we are. Be broken but stop the shame.

That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:10)

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Scars

The Tattoos of Faith

By Vinnie MacIsaac

Scars. Life wounds scabbing over. Everyone has them. In faith, out of faith, it is all the same, this world and the people in it wound us, cut us, burn us, beat us, and eventually scars us leaving us with long-term if not permanent memorials of our most painful mile markers.

The Apostle Paul was one of those people who, in spite of being used greatly by God, was still a pretty humble man and yet greatly scarred. But if there was one area of his life he did brag about it was his weakness and the scars he gained in ministry because of his weakness.

“…I am talking like a madman—with far greater labors, far more imprisonments, with countless beatings, and often near death. Five times I received at the hands of the Jews the forty lashes less one. Three times I was beaten with rods. Once I was stoned. Three times I was shipwrecked; a night and a day I was adrift at sea; on frequent journeys, in danger from rivers, danger from robbers, danger from my own people, danger from Gentiles, danger in the city, danger in the wilderness, danger at sea, danger from false brothers; in toil and hardship, through many a sleepless night, in hunger and thirst, often without food, in cold and exposure. And, apart from other things, there is the daily pressure on me of my anxiety for all the churches. Who is weak, and I am not weak? Who is made to fall, and I am not indignant?
If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness.” 2 Corinthians 11:23-30 ^[1]

To point out just a few of his highlights here is a shorthand list:

• Beaten with rods
• Beaten repeatedly with lethal scourges
• Often left near death
• Imprisoned
• Shipwrecked three times
• Once left a drift
• Trapped on rivers, seas, cities, and in the wilderness
• Robbed
• Pelted with rocks and left for dead
• Endangered by his own people
• Attacked by false brothers
• Left for dead
• Hungry, cold, thirsty
• Suffering sleepless night filled with fear and anxiety
• Mistreated by Gentiles (unbelievers) but also the church, even!

Paul suffered more than anyone other than Jesus.

Paul! He had some serious scars. And I bet if we look around the church, things are not much different today. Both inside and outside the church today people are pelted with lies, abused, beaten nearly to death physically and emotionally, called stupid, rejected, suffer constant depression, are used, and hit by all sorts of objects, the least of which includes words, insults, and neglect. So many in the world are denied the basic human rights of love, healthy touch, and security. This world is so full of hurt and we never really know who it is who will come through the doors of our church and what it is they have faced or are facing right now as they slide on in.

Now we can play the blame game if we want. But at the end of that tunnel it all comes down to some of these wounds are actually “self-inflicted,” some are “other-inflicted,” and evil forces inflict some we don’t see and identify with the naked eye. But I am not as worried about who is at blame, as I am as to why we keep covering them up. Paul didn’t cover his scars; he wore them like a man.  He wore them with pride, he bragged about them; they were his tattoos^[2]  of faith.

But week after week, I see people come into the church, and I see their scars, and I see their pain, and I see that they keep them well covered up. We wear smiles, cheers, and platitudes, along with suits, and dresses, and zeal, and we rush into the pews, sing some hymns, listen to a sermon and make a mad dash for the door lest someone, or anyone, see our ugly scars poking out of our highly-engineered cover up pleated skirts and silk ties. We go to church to simply play, “cover up Christianity.” If you were to listen to Christians today, you might get the insane, warped idea that the ability to live in this world without incurring scars is somehow the ultimate test of spirituality.  It makes me wonder have they even read how Jesus was rewarded for His Spirituality?

When we hide our hurts, we teach people it is not ok to be in pain.

Listen to me, if you’re new to the church, or a life-long member, I need you to hear what I am about to say. There are only three types of people in the Church:

1. Imperfect people with scars that still love and need love

2. Liars, who deny they have any scars and have become masters of what I call “Cover up Christianity.”

3. Those who don’t have scars but, rather, fresh wounds, who sit quietly in the pew bleeding out, having learned by trial and error it is unacceptable to share their pain with the person next to them on the pew.

But what is really unacceptable is how many people sit and suffer simply because they don’t know it is ok to hurt, ok to be blemished, and ok to have scars.

In reading Gene Edwards masterpiece of Christian leadership, “A Tale of Three Kings” I found him to give a very meaningful recount of the interconnectivity of King Saul, King David, and Absalom. He hinges the whole idea on 1 Samuel 19:10 when Saul throws a spear to kill David but David refused to throw one back. You see, when we get spears thrown at us we can decide at that moment will we be a spear thrower or a spear dodger? Are we going to get or give scars? And the brilliance of the book is Edwards’ realization that it is David’s choice in 1 Samuel 19:10 that determines how he will experience God’s grace when Absalom goes for his throne. The way we treat others on the way up the ladder will determine how we get treated as others climb the ladder in our later years. What we need to understand, though, is we have the choice to be the type of person who inflicts scars on others, or not. How we choose will have everything to do with how God chooses to use us.

Being one who gets scars, or gives scars, or helps heal scars is all a matter of how you see God dealing with your scars where you are. For it is the same for Paul, as we read above; five times he received at the hands of the Jews the forty lashes less one. Forty lashes were considered equal to the death penalty in the Roman Empire. A person who got scourged 40 lashes was not expected to live. So in order to avoid going to trial, they’d whip a person 39 times and hope it was enough to kill them. Five times, Paul, a Roman citizen, had his legal rights violated and was nearly killed by brutal lashings. Yet, not only did he live but he also penned these words about his life, “‘But He (God) said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me’”  (2 Corinthians 12:9). How much Grace does it take to escape near-death five times? When you were whipped in those days the tip of the whip would have a small piece of iron or sometimes even a hook designed to tear into your skin and tear out chunks of your flesh. Paul received a minimum of 195 such lashes (5x 39), but, God’s Grace was sufficient for each lash and Paul was made all the more prefect in faith by trusting God in his struggle and the residual scars left from his encounters. Imagine, Paul laying there bleeding, in agony, yet God’s grace was sufficient to heal him. Grace did not let him die, but best of all, Grace did not allow him to be angry, or bitter, or negative and lash out back but rather, when he was healed, Grace lead him to stand up and preach the Gospel of forgiveness, again, often to the very people who gave him such treatment.

It is true, no matter what your scars are they are not so bad or damning that you need to lash out, or be ashamed. You are made perfect by God in your weakness. Don’t hide them from God or His people, because God’s Grace can use them as they become your tattoos of faith. Here is a moment of honesty, this is something I have to tell you as a pastor, and as a fellow human being; Stop hiding your scars. You are hurting others, no worse, you are killing others. You may be the reason others sit in the pews bleeding out, because they just don’t know it is ok to hurt!  Your perfected “Cover up Christianity” is so convincing it is literally killing them, by keeping them from reaching out for the one and only thing that is sufficient for healing their pain; God’s Grace!

Here is the thing about God’s Grace, it is Amazing! It really does heal! I say this as a man like you, like us all, of many hurts, wounds, and scars. I am a fellow liberal partaker in the Grace of God, who even at this point in life still does not have it all figured out and  most times is, at best, limping to the foot of the Cross; and too often still damaging others on my way. Yet it is still true… God’s grace is sufficient and His power is still made perfect in my weakness. Oh, one more thing about this Amazing Grace, if it is sufficient for me, it is sufficient for whoever else sits down on the pew beside me, no matter how bad or how ugly their scars. I don’t care if this is your first week in church or you last, we all have been wounded by the evil one and are being healed by the Holy One.

Due to my lack of medical expertise I owe Wikipedia, which is where I found this powerful definition of a scar;

“Scars are areas of fibrous tissue that replace normal skin after injury. A scar results from the biological process of wound repair in the skin and other tissues of the body. Scarring is a natural part of the healing process.”[3]

You see the point is scars are simply proof God is healing us, and that what once was a wound is in the act of being restored and while it may not be beautiful now, it will be later.  But, today you live because of the scars in your life! It turns out that these ugly scars we keep trying to cover u, in the end,d are the very proof of the existence of God the skeptics of this world long to see. Proof that God is real and has real power. The truth is that since the fall of humanity scars are, in fact, the way He heals and makes His power known;

“But he was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed.” —Isaiah 53:5 [4]

The question we all need to ponder is how many skeptics, doubters, agnostics, and atheists walk around seeing no tangible reason to believe in God, simply because Christians are fearful to show of the tattoos of their faith, scars of their healed and healing wounds.

So here is a word up to all Christians denying your scars; you are denying the very power of God. It is the greatest statement of disbelief in God’s Grace that a professed believer could express. It is to go on official record as claiming God’s love, forgiveness, and most profoundly His transformational power is just too puny and feeble for your pain and the embarrassment of your suffering.

Miracles still happen, every single day. Ironically, and yet tragically, we put on our perfect dress suits, go to church with only smiles on our faces and pretend to be without the need of healing, and fail to show the world our scars which are the very healing they so much time for with restless and ambitious appetency to believe. Your hurt, your healing pain, your grace under fire, your salvation among the ashes of life are the very scars the world is precisely needing to see, in order to believe in the power of God!

In the Hebrew scriptures there is this odd passage, that theologians have tried to explain away, and there is a multitude of interesting interpretations of it for which I won’t get into, except to say in the light of the New Testament, we can now only see such a verse as being about Jesus, in the Kingdom, after the end of the reign of sin. And one shall say unto him, “What are these wounds in thine hands?” Then he shall answer, “Those with which I was wounded in the house of my friends.” –Zechariah 13:6 [5]

You see, while we hide our scars now, our scars will completely heal.  In time, at the great resurrection, behold, we will all be made new. We will finally be given a glorified body, our Scars will be wiped away forever. Already, if you will believe it, they are passing away before our own eyes. But Jesus… as they say where I am from, “Not so much.” The scars inflicted on him for our sins; they never leave him. They are there for life; and by that I mean eternal life. Imagine a million sets of a billion eons from now when the sins and suffering of this world is but a faint fleeting memory and someone in Heaven ask Jesus, “Oh what are those scars about again?” He will answer, “Those with which I was wounded in the house of my friends.” Jesus is forever proud of His scars! For His scars means your life. Without His scars we all die. We need to understand, scars are a matter of life and death.  He will not cover that badge of honor up for all the vanity in the universe.

When will you, when will I, when will we, stop covering up our scars and be able to say, “These are the residue from which I was wounded in the house of my friends?”  Yes, in the end we need to come somehow by the grace of God able to call even those who wounded us, and even those who wounded us in the vilest ways “friends.” That does not mean in anyway we allow abusive and harmful people back into our lives, as Paul would say, Heaven Forbid! But it does mean we have to let hate and bitterness of the sting of our pain go and the truth is that is why we have a faith community. The church is nothing if it is not a group of imperfect people on a journey to learn to love perfectly as God pours out His love on them. As we dance in the love of our Heavenly, prefect Father’s love, let us also invite others to the dance and when they get here make sure they are treated with dignity, love, and healing that we ourselves seek to receive. When will we finally see that scars are just marks of healing, tattoos of faith, and inflictions by those who belong to the house of our friends? Let it be so in the Church of God! For we never know who it is who comes through our doors, sits in our pews, and longs for fresh cut wounds to become healed over scars. Let us, the Church, be a place of our, and their, healing in Christ.  To this I say, let all the people declare “Amen, in truth, so be it!”

This song was performed at Solid Rock on February 11th, 2017 and It felt right to include it with the article version of what was once a sermon. 

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Footnotes:

[1] 2 Corinthians 11:23-30 ESV (English Standard Version)
[2] To avoid someone feeling the need to call me out, I’ll say up front that my usage of the word “tattoos” is metaphoric and not literal and that can be clearly discerned by the context. The Bible expressly forbids the tattooing of ones’ body in Leviticus 19:28. However, I’d also point out that the context of that command in Leviticus 19 is making cuts and marks on your self to pagan gods (see also 1 Kings 18:27-29) and seems quite far from the modern usage of tattoos. Regardless, this has nothing to do with my usage.
[3] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scar
[4] Isaiah 53:5 ESV
[5] Zechariah 13:6 KJV (King James Version)

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