When Kindness Was Cross
Kindness is awesome, easy, and powerful! What is there not to love? Kindness does not cost you, it is just being a decent human. Some of the very best people I have witnessed with the gifted of kindness are not even Christians or believers at all. Kindness is the basic human decency that we all can do!
Outrage, intolerance, exploding anger is easy and powerful, in a damaging way. What is there not to abhor? Outbursts of wrath will cost you and will make you a less decent human. Some of the very best people at intolerance and wrath claim the title of believers. Rage leads to some of the worst actions a human can do.
Both are easy, both are relatively normative in the human experience, but they travel in opposite directions, outcomes, and spiritual currencies. The real question is, which will you choose to make your default response in life? If you are honest, just for a few minutes as you read this, which do you think Jesus would want you to have as a default? Is that the case in your life?
Oh no, I am not saying anger is wrong, or sinful. In fact, the Bible teaches us the opposite. Anger is an emotion God Himself has (see Romans 1:18, Ezekiel 25:17, Psalm 7:11) and, under the right governance and limitations, He does not deny us the proper use of anger either. Ephesians 4:26 tells us, “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.” So, there are times that anger can be used, as long as it is not used sinfully, or for an elongated point of time. That seems logical, right? I mean, there are times when people do horrific acts that require a negative emotional response from spiritually and emotionally intelligent people. Jesus got angry at times. He rebuked people doing evil. He called people out. He overturned tables of corruption even in the temple. And if anyone could justly have cause to be angry at the sin in others, it was Jesus. Still, Jesus never let anger be his default emotion. That said, what is your default emotion? That is the question I am really asking.
The world, at least as I write this, seems mad[i] enough to me, and could use a little more kindness. Maybe I can’t sing in the choir because I’m tone-deaf, maybe I can’t preach because I am too shy to speak publicly, maybe I don’t have the world’s best grasp of deep theology, but no matter my deficits, I can be kind. Even complete unbelievers can excel at it. If unbelievers can and do excel at being kind, how much more could you and I excel with the living power of God in the form of the Holy Spirit breathing love into us?
And I tell you, kindness feels better than anger. I have done both. Anger and rage, easily triggered emotions, that leave you feeling unhappy most of the time, vented but empty, empowered but somehow oddly corrupted. It is not a slimy feeling, but it does leave you with an emotional residue that clings to you, follows you, and is hard to shake, even when you want to. Anger is like a bad odor that tells others, even after the fact, that there is an emotional “muckiness” about you that they should steer free from.
But kindness has a quality about it that makes it hard for others to not be kind back to you. Maybe your Grandmother, like mine, told you, “when you smile, the world smiles back at you!” You know, there is truth to that slogan. Just try resisting returning a smile to someone who joyfully and authentically smiles at you. Trust me, it is much harder than you might think when the person smiling at you is doing it with sincerity and kindness of heart. Sure, humanist critics will say that being kind to others is not very at all altruistic because a case can be made that your kindness starts with selfish motives. Ok, I’ll give them that, but what doesn’t? Hey, I first accepted Jesus for selfish reasons too! I did not want to go to hell. As I followed him, the more his goodness rubbed off on me, the more hopelessly I fell in love with Him. Sorry, Humanists[ii], love begets love.
“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” Colossians 3:12-14
In an angry world, where more and more of the general population lack the basic human skills of regulating their emotions, it behooves Christians to take the first actions in being reasonable, peaceful, and yes, kind. I said kind, not a doormat. Being a doormat is not kind, for it is not kind to let another end up in Hell for abusing you. Ending real abuse is always a Holy action because it could save your life, and prayerfully the abuser’s soul. Remember, there is a rightful, and Holy use for anger. But when wrongdoing is not present, we should lead in kindness. Too many people are out there with a “chip on their shoulder.” That only weighs them down. Remember, providing you are not dealing with a diagnosed narcissist or some other clinically dysfunctional person, which despite popular opinion is actually quite rare[iii], the Bible says we can often end the anger in another person by being the first mover in kindness. “A gentle answer turns away anger, but a harsh word stirs up wrath.” Proverbs 15:1
In Galatians 5, the Apostle Paul puts “fits of anger,” smack dab in the middle of a list of shameful sins he calls “works of the flesh,” and declares, “those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.”[iv] The book of James likewise tells us that we will never live a life of righteousness if anger rules us, “the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.” (James 1:20). Jesus says, “Love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil.” (Luke 6:35) And in his famed beatitudes, Jesus declared, “Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.” Matthew 5:7
Love begets love, and kindness begets kindness – give it out and it will come back to you. That is not the only reason to choose kindness as your default mode to interact with the broken world; there is always the reason Jesus did it;
“When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.” (Matthew 9:36)
Jesus was kind. Jesus showed compassion because when he looked deeply into the hearts and souls of people, He understood they were hurting, harassed by an enemy, helpless, and needing a kind hand to help them find their way. Be kind. Be kind because people really need kindness, because people are really under attack and are helpless. Be kind, because you never know what kind of Satanic attack another is under. Be kind because life is already hard enough, mean enough, and angry enough, divided enough, toxic enough, ungodly enough. Be kind, because Jesus is kind to you in your helplessness, and he offers you the chance to do so for others. The world needs you – yes, you – to be kind to it, because few will be, and it is really hurting right now! Heal, if you are being healed. Love, if you are being loved. Show compassion if Jesus shows you compassion. Be a shepherd of kindness if, in kindness, Jesus has shepherded you!
Kindness became a cross for me. The Cross Jesus bore. The Cross Jesus told me to pick up and follow Him with. Use anger in moderation and only when it is absolutely required and it the face of true evil. Even then, only in short seasons, least it corrupt you! Jesus cried out, “Father forgive them,” at the cross. It that moment kindness was at the Cross, on the Cross, and replaced any reason I need to hang on to feeling “cross.”
Be like Jesus. Love. Smile. Empower. Don’t hold on to anger. Take it to the cross. Be kind.
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Footnotes:
[i]By every definition of the word you can imagine.
[ii] I am not dogging humanism, in its proper framework, it does a lot of good.
[iii] Contrary to what public perception and TV might lead you to believe less than 13% of the world’s population has any one of the 10 known personality disorders, and this would also include the milder relational ones. While those numbers might be slightly higher in westernized countries it unlikely still to be over 15%. It has become fashionable for both the media and the general population, to simply tag people they don’t like or can’t seem to get along with as having a serious personality disorder. Maybe we get along better with people if we tried kindness rather than presumptive, undiagnosed disorders? https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/9636-personality-disorders-overview
[iv] Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. Galatians 5:19-21
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Kindness is awesome, easy, and powerful! What is there not to love? Kindness does not cost you, it is just being a decent human. Some of the very best people I have witnessed with the gifted of kindness are not even Christians or believers at all. Kindness is the basic human decency that we all can do!
