Seeking Sinking Simon
September 25, 2018
What If There Is Nothing To Be Thankful For?
November 20, 2018
The Pastor And You.
By Pastor Vinnie MacIsaac
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What Your Pastor Will Never Tell You:
Few people have a job like your pastor. It is the best job in the world. They are paid to pray, study, and preach. They are paid to care for and serve others. They are paid to be moral individuals. And they are reminded, nearly daily, by someone, someplace, somehow, that they belong to you and not to God, because someone reminds them that your tithe pays for their existence.
This article is one piece of the puzzle on how pastors and members can work together. It’s not a defense of bad pastors or toxic leaders; rather, it is intended to address and promote healthy pastor-member relations.
“They live in a bubble of expected parameters and are continuously measured by members, visitors, and denominational supervisors alike. They are judged not only by their own actions but also by the actions of their family members. They are judged by their appearance, dress, public persona, temperament, social graces, place of residence, mode of transportation, dietary choices, media consumption, and even their preferred Bible translation. It is important to understand that pastors are called, not created. Your pastor stands in the pulpit most weeks not because they simply decided to, but because God brought them to it, often against their own better judgment. They are not inherently gifted in public speaking or being local celebrity personalities. They are not closer to God or less sinful than anyone else. In fact, they are just like you – broken, imperfect, and seeking salvation, love, and relevance. They share the same undeniable call on their lives as you do. Like Jonah, they may have tried to run from their ministry at some point but ultimately failed. Now, they serve you because, above all else, they do not want to let Jesus down.”
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“They above all things, don’t want to let Jesus down.”
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Oh! I know. Some of you may be saying, “Not my pastor. My pastor is intentionally bad. He or she simply does not care and is a control freak, bully, fake, and lazy drain on the church.” [Yes, sadly, some people do speak of their pastor in this way]. If this is your pastor, and I acknowledge that there are indeed bad pastors out there, then please understand that your pastor is broken, beaten, and bruised. They are trapped, defeated, and miserable. No pastor wants to live life like that, as it crushes them with the guilt of failing God. If this describes your pastor, then your pastor is in trouble. They could be in danger of losing their job, family, and even their eternal life. Please understand that your pastor may need your love, care, support, and resources while they heal so that they can better care for you. Also, remember that your pastor is a member of your church too. The church should care for all its members, even the one they expect the most from – the pastor.
Why Some Pastor’s Struggle:
Carey Nieuwhof is a much sought-after Church leadership expert, and founder of one of the most influential Churches in North America, Connexus Church. Nieuwhof says Pastoral burnout was the darkest moment of his life.
“Seven years ago, I entered into the darkest period of my life. I found the edge, and as I was falling, I knew that I realized this time I couldn’t pull myself back. I could get out of bed every day, and I did. I kept praying and reading my bible. But my speed decreased to a snail’s pace. And hope felt like it had died. My motivation and passion dropped to zero.” [1]
Was Carey Nieuwhof a bad pastor? Lazy? A closet sinner? No. He went on to build one the healthiest churches on the Continent! So what happened? He tells us.
“In caring for others, I had not adequately cared for my heart or soul, or let others, who wanted to care for it, do so.”[2]
Sometimes, pastors simply give to the point where they have nothing left to give. Every battery dies if not re-charged. Maybe you met your pastor after they maxed out their output and simply no one has yet assisted them to recharge.
Acclaimed Christian author and CEO of LifeWay, Thoms Rainer, in his blog, “Growing Healthy Churches Together”, says he believes many pastors are literally depressed. His list of causes goes like this;
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Spiritual warfare
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The reality of the “underbelly” of pastoral leadership
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A sense of inadequacy
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Critics and bullies
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Loneliness
He not only seeks to educate the local church members on the dangers that pastors face from depression, but he also assumes that most pastors struggle with it. He urges church members and staff to directly, and defensively, pray for pastors to overcome it.
“Depression is real with pastors. It seems to be pervasive. May we who serve alongside them, staff and laity alike, take a few minutes a day to pray for our pastors.”[4]
Philip Wagner, the Lead Pastor of Oasis Christian Center, a multi-cultural, multi-generational church, lists Pastoral work among the 4th hardest jobs in America. His list goes like this;
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The President of the United States
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A university president
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A CEO of a hospital and
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A pastor
He claims his research shows that;
“Seventy percent (of pastors) say they have a lower self-image now than when they first started.”[5]
According to his article on Churchleaders.com, he lists criticism, rejection, betrayal, the loneliness of the occupation, weariness (fatigue), frustrations, and disappointments as the hidden pains all pastors are forced to carry, robbing their effectiveness in ministry.
Brent Prentice, the Lead Pastor of Eagle Heights, observes in his article, that in most churches, the Pastor has no pastor.
“I was on my way home from the last meeting of those five nights when I first asked myself the question, “Who pastors the pastor?” The next evening, I ended up in the emergency room with an angry appendix.”[6]
Not only does the pastor have no pastor, but their family, spouse, and children also have no pastor. Do we expect them to pastor their own family as well? Does spending evenings at home with their family count as pastoral ministry hours now? I doubt it, in the minds of most church members and even pastors. However, it’s worth considering. Have we thought about what we’re doing? We leave the most influential members of our churches without any pastoral care for themselves or their family, expecting them to be spiritually flawless, moral, and positive while delivering great sermons and growing difficult churches. And then we have the audacity to wonder why churches don’t grow and pastors burn out? It’s a shame.
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“Stop and give that thought…We leave the most influential member of our churches without any pastoral care…and wonder why churches don’t grow. Shame. Shame.”
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What You Can Do To Help:
I am so glad you asked! The solution is quite simple: love your pastor, embrace their ministry, and listen to their ideas, even if you disagree. Sometimes, being heard is all people require. But most of all, give your pastor permission to be human. Respect them as highly trained and educated professionals, and valued members of your community.
God did not call pastors to give until it kills them; they are called to be Christ-like, not to be the Christ. If your pastor is tired or in need of a break, give them verbal permission to skip an event. Affirm their need to go off and be with their family or have outside interests. If you are a board member, elder, or deacon, insist that they take their vacations and days off. If they refuse, you should take them out and do non-work related fun things with them in order to help them relax. Your pastor, for several pragmatic reasons and past experiences, may limit the closeness of your friendship. However, if you build a bond with your pastor, never betray their trust or confidentiality, or stab them in the back. Nothing destroys ministry like having someone you love and trust hurt you. It is always okay to disagree with a pastor. Disagreement is not betrayal; in fact, it is proof of a healthy relationship. I am talking about betraying their trust and not respecting them as a person enough to discuss and inform them of disagreement; that is where the hurt comes from.
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“The solution is quite simple. Love your pastor. Embrace their ministry. Listen to their ideas.”
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Advocate for them to have a pastoral figure to minister to them and their family. Lobby your board or denomination to provide pastoral care for the pastor and their family, even if it has to be contracted out. Have you considered contracting with another pastor or counselor in town to be a caregiver to your pastor? While it may not be ideal because of the need to share candidly and personally with one’s pastor, if no other resource can be found or afforded, have the elders, deacons, or even yourself give regular spiritual care to your pastor and their family. They, too, have needs that should be ministered to. Lastly, mark October on your calendar and never forget that it is Pastoral Appreciation Month. While your schedule is open, add their birthday, their spouse’s birthday, and Christmas as well. Gifts, money, and tokens are not required or expected, but heartfelt love, respect, and appreciation are.
Build Pastors That Last:
As you build a relationship with your pastor, it’s important to be aware of their personal needs . For example, members who only say “Nice sermon” at the door but don’t seem to apply the message in their lives can be hurtful. Additionally, volunteers who consistently let down the church and the pastor by not fulfilling their commitments can be damaging to the local church and the cause of Jesus. It’s also difficult when members only see the pastor as a plumber, IT tech, or other role, instead of recognizing them as a caring professional, theologian, and leader. When friends fail to realize their actions can deeply impact the pastor, it takes time with God to heal. It’s important to remember that a pastor is not just a title, but a child of God. So, even in the most remote settings, their title remains their name. Let’s remember to treat our pastors with respect and recognize their humanity.
In the past, I had a pastor who shared some valuable guidance. Whenever people would voice their complaints about our church, he would respond with, “If you ever come across the perfect church, don’t join it. Because once you do, it will no longer be perfect!” This was truly wise advice. However, I want to offer a different perspective: “When you encounter the perfect pastor, don’t invite them to your imperfect church. Doing so will only hurt them, scare them, and make them imperfect, just like you.” As a final thought, I urge you to pray for your pastor and treat them with kindness. And if you struggle to do so, remember to pray for yourself, as it shows that your pastor’s prayers for you are not effective.
Appendix
The Perfect Pastor
By an Anonymous Author
The perfect pastor preaches for exactly 10 minutes.
He condemns sin roundly but never hurts anyone’s feelings.
He works from 8 AM until midnight and is also the church janitor.
The perfect pastor makes $40 a week, wears good clothes, drives a good car, buys good books, and donates $30 a week to the church.
He is 29 years old and has 40 years of experience.
Above all, he is handsome.
The perfect pastor has a burning desire to work with teenagers, and he spends most of his time with senior citizens.
He smiles all the time with a straight face because he has a sense of humor that keeps him seriously dedicated to his church.
He makes 15 home visits a day and is always in his office to be handy when needed.
The perfect pastor always has time for the church council and all of its committees.
He never misses the meeting of any church organization and is always busy evangelizing the unchurched.
The perfect pastor is always in the next church over! There is no Perfect pastor, in your church unless you build one!
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Footnotes
[1] https://careynieuwhof.com/9-signs-youre-burning-out-in-leadership
[2] Ibid.
[3] What local church life is really like when the preaching is finished.
[4] https://thomrainer.com/2018/02/five-reasons-many-pastors-struggle-depression/
[5] https://churchleaders.com/pastors/pastor-articles/167379-philip-wagner-secret-pain-of-pastors.html
[6] https://ftc.co/resource-library/blog-entries/who-pastors-the-pastor
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