Thrive Not Merely Survive

By Pastor Vinnie

Those who hope in the Lord
    will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
    they will run and not grow weary,
    they will walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 40:31

Do you want to just survive or do you want to thrive? There is a difference. Often, we are so busy just trying to tread water that we put off doing the very things that would help us rise above our problems and place us on a higher spiritual platform. If you are struggling, here are seven simple tips that will get you out of your current rut and help you thrive.

Get Better Rest

It may sound simple but there is more to it than finding more hours to sleep in a 24-hour period. It includes building rest into your working environment and overall hours of work. No one’s focus can last forever. Are you including healthy breaks, walks, and cycles of change of pace built into your work time and duties? To work at peak levels of performance means to work, live, and be engaged in self-renewing cycles of rest. Are you taking normal time off, following a healthy eating plan, and getting exercise? A book that forever changed the way I viewed rest is called, “The Power of Full Engagement: Managing Energy, Not Time.”[i] The idea I took away from the book is the best rest comes from managing all our sources of energy and knowing where those gauges are at all times to hit our peak performance and avoid maximum drain. The author originated as a trainer of top athletes who wanted to go from great athletes to gold winners. The secret turned out to be to build in cycles of rest in all aspects of life, training, and performance. The idea was so successful that soon, not only coaches and athletes were seeking the advice of the author, but also Fortune 500 CEO’s. People paid him outrageous amounts of money simply to tell them what you and I already know from the Bible.

Humans are built on a work/rest schedule that has rest built right into all our life cycles. Yes, sleep is important, ideally, eight hours a day; but also weekly rest, a day off, a day of renewal, is just as needed. When God created the world in six days He Himself rested on the seventh (Genesis 2:2).  We don’t need to wait until the end of the week or the end of the day, we can take our cues from God and build regular rest periods into all that we do! Use your productive waking hours in a way the optimizes your energy intake and output and never lets you drop down into the bottom out zone. Rest is more than sleep, it includes, fun, joy, nutrition, love, and cycles of rejuvenation that manage energy and prevents burnout [ii]. Life is more than sleep and work. Quality rest engages depth of joy and meaning to give you purpose in production because at the end of the day, you are a wonderful creation of God’s design and meant to thrive in life, purpose, and meaning – not a machine just doing a task.

Suggestion:

1. Eight hours of sleep at night.

2. Regular breaks and fun in all waking hours.

3. Keep the weekly Sabbath for spiritual and physical recharge.

Build transformative relationships

We all have relationships of some manner from friends to family to co-workers. When I talk about transformative relationships, I don’t mean common relationships that everyone has, but quality relationships that offer not only companionship but seek to make you a better person.  Friends tell you what you want to hear, but people in your transformative relationships tell you what you need to hear if that is an affirmation, rebuke, or challenge. They have more skin in the game than your bond or your companionship, but rather they care long term about your welfare; they invest in your “being,” just as you invent in theirs. It is not just about having a good time together, going to a concert or party, or hanging out and having a laugh, it is about investing in you. These kinds of friendships are not passing connections. They are not situational to where you live, work, or even what family you belong to. They are friendships you follow and keep up with no matter what part of the world you live in or how far away life takes you. Admittedly, with all the technology we have these days it is easier than any other time in history to not only forge but maintain these kinds of relationships. I have friends that are closer to me than brothers, who live scattered all over the country. We have been there for each other at weddings, family deaths, supported each other through addictions, breakups, debilitating illness, job loss, and just about any other major life event you can imagine. Rarely a day goes by, let alone a week, where we are not in communication with each other. We can say the hard stuff and the good stuff to each other, because we have seen both, and walk with each other through both. Our bond is deeper than what we get out of the friendship on any given day.

Transformative relationships can be across gender and age spans. In fact, they work particularly well in mixed ages because the varying experiences of different ages can provide context and texture to the relationships and discussions that might otherwise be flat at times. That said, while transformative relationships can be with the opposite sex, greater vigilance must be taken to ensure romantic confusion in one or more of the people is not creeping in. Nothing is more destructive to a transformative relationship as inappropriate or misplaced romantic temptation or even unspoken fantasy. Transformative relationships need to be transparent to onlookers, have boundaries, and be forged in non-romantic bonds. So, unless your transformative relationship is in the context of your spouse, please be aware that while not impossible, cross-gender transformative relationships take much greater awareness to maintain. Yet they are certainly possible if both parties are mature enough to hold high boundaries in place.

Perhaps the greatest factor that changes a relationship from casual friendship to a truly transformative relationship is the duration that spans major life circumstances. When you or they move away, change jobs, get married, have children, go through a major life change, do either of you take to opportunity to reach out in a deliberate way and engage the other? If so, and if you both are comfortable investing in each other that way, you are well on your way to a lifelong transformative relationship.

Suggestions:

1. Focus on the quality of friendship not the number of friendships.

2. Truly invest in people who truly invest in you.

3. Keep up and deliberately seek out keeping close friendships regardless of where life takes you and geographical distance.

Be creative

Creativity is more than the quality of output. Too many people don’t feel creative simply because they don’t see themselves as having creative skills. If you feel gifted in creative arts or not, you are in fact a creative being and will need to engage in creative pursuits to truly thrive. You are made in the image of God and He is the most creative being in all of time and space. Someplace deep down in you is a creative person waiting to escape the confines of the insecurities, personal limits, and life experiences you have had that may have limited your creativity.

It is true, that not every creative activity is for all people no matter how much we might want to be gifted in that area of creative expression. I spent endless hours in my teenage and young adult years trying to learn to be a rock guitar virtuoso and let me assure you I am no Eddie Van Halen, Steve Vai, Joe Satriani, or even Yngwie Malmsteen[iii], and am sadly not even an Angus Young[iv]. But what I can do is play some cool power chords, blues riffs, and string together some three-chord self-created songs. The point is you don’t need to be a virtuoso in order to get creative value from an activity. I am completely tone-deaf, so trust me when I tell you that you really don’t want to hear me sing; but that in no way means I don’t still totally love singing out loud with the radio when Chris Tomlin, Casting Crowns, Bruce Springsteen, Tom Petty or Newsboys comes on, as long as no one is listening to me! It is the act of being creative, practicing creativity, that matters, and not the finished product – because at the end of the day, what is artistically good is extremely subjective. The reason for being creative is not the finished product, it is emulating a core aspect of what God is like. When we engage in creativity, regardless of how we feel about the finished product, we are thriving at height of our potential because during that process we are deeply in sync with our creator in ways that we rarely ever would be otherwise. Furthermore, we become way more productive in all other areas of our life because being creative teaches our brain and thought processes to be less rigid, break old patterns, and think in ways that normally would have been completely foreign to us.

If it is drawing, writing, storytelling, painting, model building, Lego, clay, puzzles, none of that matters as much as the act of engaging in a creative process that introduces new ideas and activities that you would not have experienced without the creative act. For me, my true creative gifts are in creative problem solving[v], particularly in social planning and emotional guidance.  Sometimes our creative niche may not be self-evident and we might be underselling our own creative abilities, but we can be assured that because we are made in God’s image we have creative powers. Don’t be fearful of trying new things, dropping creative purists you don’t gel with, or hopping around from one creative activity to another randomly.

That said, there is one creative area we all need to engage in, at some level, in order to retain top levels of mental fluidity, and that is reading[vi]. Reading is one of the big creative leaps that puts us above the animals. Reading (and the written form) allows us to keep a shared history and cumulative base of advanced collective thoughts and an ongoing exchange of ideas that spans long past the natural life span. While one of the great things about reading is that it keeps us a forever learner, in my estimation, fiction is actually the highest and most essential form of all reading. Fiction unlocks both the mind and the creative insights all at once. Fiction reminds us we live in a continual unfolding drama of cosmic conflict that is our redemption story. Fiction reminds us there is high value in mental constructs that require peering into metaphysical realms that exist beyond our own senses.

Suggestions:

1. Read fiction.

2. Try art forms you are not good at on purpose.

3. Stop seeing the value of creativity as the finished product but rather as the process of engagement.

Declutter

Ugh I hate to even include this one because it is one of the items on my list that I am not good at. Not only am I not good at it, but my family struggles with it too and so we often reinforce each other’s weakness on this one. That said, decluttering is key to thriving in life. Often the very things holding us back in life are all the things in our immediate environment. Not everything about thriving is about abstract obstacles – sometimes they are also about the physical junk that is in your literal way. Our physical space and clutter impact all areas of our life and lifestyle and can really hold us back. Ask yourself this, how often do you lose your own car keys, glasses, or tv remote in your own house! Then ask yourself, how much time did it take for you to find them? Was it easy? How much “junk” did you need to move to locate the missing item? If you are like me, it takes way too long, is way too stressful, and happens much too often. If that is not your case, then I am so joyful for you!

Clutter can happen for a lot of different reasons. It may be that you are just too frugal, and you don’t like the idea of throwing away items you might need to buy later. It could be that you live with and love people who are messy or disorganized. It could be that you can’t afford to live in a dwelling that would be the ideal size for your family. Clutter is not a sign of laziness or greed necessarily, but it will hold you back from fully thriving all the same. It is hard to get to that job interview when you can’t find that perfect tie you know you have someplace. How many times can you be late for work because you misplaced the keys? How creative or organized can life be when your environment is not inspiring?

Decluttering can take time because it will require building habits and contending often with the habits of those around you.  It is not about being messy or needing to clean as much as it is about “stuff management.” Do you need to give some stuff away, find a place for stuff to belong, or change the way you accumulate stuff? Do we really need all those bookshelves of books or rubber bins of VHS tapes and DVDs anymore? Could not all that stuff exist in “the cloud” or on a tablet? Just why are you saving all those plastic bags and bins anyways? And unless those stacks of magazines lying around the living room are collectors’ items why are you hanging on to them? Could not much of the “stuff” invading your space be recycled rather than collecting dust? Is it simply not time to donate that blazer that maybe you love to death, but when you are honest about it, has not fit you in 10 years? Decluttering is simply physical “stuff management” that frees up your life and brightens your environment.

Suggestions:

1. Go digital.

2. Twice a year go through your house and decide what items would do better if given to a charity or recycled then being kept in your house.

3. Read this blog for an advanced idea of regular decluttering. https://simplyvinnie.com/more-of-less-a-book-review-and-a-life-experience/

Invest in Your Emotional Health

Often, we hear platitudes about the best thing you can invest in is your health. There is absolute truth in that. It is hard to be happy when you are sick, in pain, or worse yet, dead. We should never devalue any part of our health. Body, soul, and mind are all intertwined because they are all a part of God’s creation of you. Yet, all the changes we need to make both physical and mental, are controlled by our emotional health and level of emotional intelligence. If my attitude is bad, where is my motivation going to come from? If my emotional makeup is full of negativity and pessimistic forecasts, all the other needed changes in my life come to a hard stop or are reduced to a crawling speed. If I am struggling with fear, depression, or unprocessed trauma, or just used to bad daily maintenance of my emotions, I am not going to thrive. Not thriving means I am going to struggle to do the basics, keeping me trapped in survival mode.

If emotional health is left untreated it will eventually result in mental and physical acute problems that will require significant interventions and treatments to bring back under control. However, there is good news! You can prevent the onset of many mental and physical problems by taking time to simply invest in your emotional health in deliberate and purposeful ways. The best method I have learned to follow is to daily check my emotions. I stop and do an assessment of my emotional makeup each day and note if there are any sudden changes. Being cognitive about your emotions is the very best way to make sure your emotions do not hijack your brain. It is much better to honestly stop and think through your feelings than to suddenly have them sneak up on you, send you into a panic attack, or let them unload in misplaced anger on someone who does not deserve it. Emotions, both good and bad, don’t just happen, they build. What is building in you? Stop, ask yourself how you are really feeling today, and why. Chart it if that helps. Do not just look for the negative changes in emotions. Negative emotions are the easiest to spot because after all, we are negative broken creatures under the curse of sin. We notice darkness much faster than light. Take special notice and chart happy feelings, gratitude, hopeful outcomes, answered prayers, and always chase grey clouds to find all the silver linings.

Watch/read/listen to comedies, not just dark dramas, or educational material. Make sure you still know how to laugh, play, and have real fun. Practice loving passionately and deeply, creating stronger bonds where love has faded over time (which is normal even in romantic love.) Be “deliberately spontaneous”, playful, unpredictable, expressive in your marriage or most significant relationships. Read several self-help, or emotional intelligence books a year, if you think you need them or not, because certainly someone in your life will need you to have a depth of understanding about the helping arts. Above all, have a trusted confidential person you can talk to just to decompress on a semi-regular basis.

Suggestions:

1. Read widely in the area of self-help and emotional intelligence.

2. Track your emotional ups not just your downs.

3. Have a professional counselor that you have cultivated a helping relationship with, not because you “need counseling” or are “mentally ill” but because all emotionally healthy people need a trusted 100% confidential place to vent at times. Sure, a pastor or close friend can work in a pinch, but the beauty of a professional counselor is they have no ties back to your regular life which allows you to be freer and more truthful in your venting.

Be More Than Your Vocation

You are more than what you do. Your value is not in what your produce but rather in your personal, relational, and existential impact on the world. No one remembers the financial worth of Gandhi, Mother Teresa, or Martin Luther King Jr, yet we all know we live in a better world because of their impact. Thriving people do not limit their value to material output, which is needed for daily survival but doesn’t add to the value of their life or the world.  The Lord’s prayer says, “Give us this day our daily bread,” so trust Jesus, that if you ask your Father for that, your Father can find a way to bring that together with one way or another as you seek to live in sync with his larger principles. I am not down on wealth; money has its place. Gaining wealth is not sinful but tying to your worth and identity is idolatry.

I remember when my wife and I first immigrated to the United States, there were a couple of years where, unlike my wife’s vocational status, mine was held up by the green card status and I was legally unable to work. I was regulated to housekeeping, study, and volunteer work during that time. That time period turned out to be much more emotionally hard on my self-worth and value than I would have predicted. However, it gave me total clarity on this issue once and for all. I recall meeting new people and them asking me the common conversational question, “So what do you do?” and I did not know what to say. I did not have a job. I tried clever answers like, “I am a husband, what do you do?” To which they would chuckle, “Yeah, we know you’re married, what is your job!” It was at that point that it became clear to me that society values us based on the productions of services and goods but that is not where my real value comes from.

There is no one job you are made for. There are only jobs you are great at. It is not the end of the world if you lose a job, it is just the end of a job. I am not saying it won’t be hard, or a massive economic hardship, but I am saying, that job, nor its status or position, should not define you. No matter how important it seems to you or how much of your identity is wrapped up in it; you are still more than your vocation. It is not who you are, it is something you do. And guess what, there are other things you can do too.

I am a Pastor because I am employed to be one, but who I am, my value to God, family, and the world, would not be changed if I were not thus employed, nor would I stop pastoring, caring, and ministering. I pastor because of who I am, not because of who employs me. I would be me, only differently, with a different vocation.

Not all people are fortunate enough to work in a vocation that fits their calling, desire, or interest. Some people work a job simply to put food on the table, pay bills, and provide for a family. Others still work only to provide an income while they engage in their real pursuits on the side or weekends. My point is: don’t confuse vocation, wealth, or grand positions and titles for your worth.

Suggestions:

1. Trust God to provide as you live in faithful cooperation with Him.

2. Don’t be fearful to change vocations.

3. Never ever confuse your worth with your work.

Find Faith

We need to find faith because we don’t naturally have it and because even when we do have it, it is super easy to lose it. On one level faith finds us because the Holy Spirit is always reaching out to us and seeking to lead us back to God. That is what prevents faith from being our work, it starts with God seeking out the lost and not the lost seeking out God. Yet, on the other hand, we get careless with our faith and the devil is always more than ready to steal what faith we have gathered away, sow discord, and use struggle as a reason to have us give up.

Sometimes we seek everything to fill our soul but God at the times that we need Him most.

The profit Amos says,

“This is what the Lord says to Israel:

Seek me and live;

do not seek Bethel,

do not go to Gilgal,

do not journey to Beersheba.

For Gilgal will surely go into exile,

and Bethel will be reduced to nothing.” (Amos 5:4,5)

The irony is that we tend to look for what will make us thrive in every empty place but faith. Lotto tickets won’t get you rich, diet pills won’t make you thin, having an affair won’t make you loved, and climbing the ladder at work won’t make your family happy. Finding faith, now that is a game-changer. Faith not only lets you thrive, but it keeps you thriving when you see no tangible reason to thrive. Faith is not based on thriving because you see proof that you will thrive but rather because you have hope that God wants you to thrive – even in those moments that you can’t see what thriving would even look like in your life. “Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” (Hebrews 11:1)

If all these thrive suggestions fail you, faith will not. Faith, when acted on, pushes you forward in the darkness because it is not dependent on the world we live in but rather the world we hope for.

Suggestions:

1. Find faith new every day.

2. Refuse to let the devil, the world, or your circumstances define who God is making you.

3. Remember, you don’t have to see it to hope for it, and hope is the cornerstone of a faith that thrives.

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